If you didn't have the feelings you have, I would say you would have even more serious problems.

Years ago....back in the late 1950's, my mother had an abortion because she got the german measles when she was first pregnant (I was 5 years old...now I'm 60). The chance of having a baby that would have high cost of medical expenses was great & my parents were unable to care for a baby like that. When I got married, my H's mother had the same situation but chose to have the baby & he had none of the problems my parents were told about......bringing back up to my mother the decision she had made over 20 years before. Just 8 years ago when my mother was dying of cancer.....she ask me if God was punishing her for having had the abortion......I assured her that our loving God doesn't do things like that.

I know that when I was first married & going for my degree I ended up pregnant & the first solution my H came up with was take time off & go back & get my degree later.....I was about to get an abortion because I wasn't about to go back later & get my degree since it was something I specifically stated my opinion about before we ever got married. My parents were willing to care for our daughter & things worked out well.......sometimes we panic & take action before we are able to look at all the possibilities, even that there are so many families out there who want children who are unable to have babies of their own.

The thoughts you are having are the thoughts I had when I was in the process of deciding whether to have an abortion or not......you are not alone. Ask a mom who has lost a child whether the pain is the same as you are experiencing.....you can be sure it is.

As with my mother time passes & the pain of making the decision passes.....but the memory is there just as the memory continues to be there for all the difficult choices we make in our life but we learn to live with the memories of our decisions over time. It doesn't feel like for quite awhile after.

It is important to have therapy to help process your thoughts.....there have been studies that show that people who have gone through abortions have ended up with ED's (eating disorders) & of course, major depression due to the pain they experience. We have a wonderful community mental health group where I live....it helps even those with no money to pay for therapy....maybe you have something available like that in the area where you live.

My heart is with you & I understand the pain & grief you are experiencing.....just as with all grief, it's important to understand it & to get help processing it.