I always thought I was a little off in some of my thoughts. Especially those that involve danger and harm. I talked to my sister about it once and she started talking about how she pictures people naked without wanting to and sometimes envisions couple having sex when they are right in front of you, talking to you, even at church. She normalized my thinking. But now that I've gotten the Dx's I have I wonder if it is/has been something else all along.

The thoughts are things like driving my car off an overpass (as I'm driving on the overpass), or swerving into a semi truck (18 wheeler, while driving right next to a semi truck). I've often thought of throwing myself over the railing on a very upper level of a stairwell while looking over the edge. One time we were in a parking garage and went to look over the edge and I invisioned throwing my child over the edge I immediately hated myself for that. But why did I think it in the first place? Who thinks crazy things like that!? Seriously, I would NEVER harm my children. In fact I've walked away before to keep from raging at them when I am unstable. I don't like imagining the youth pastor and his wife having sex in the middle of a sermon! I hate my mind. Sometimes I'll imagine something insignificant like an empty swing swinging on a swingset and I want the swing to swing so high that it wraps over the bar but I cannot make the swing wrap around. It drives me CRAZY. The stupid part about it is I won't be able to stop fixating on it and its so annoying. I try very hard not to even "go there" with my thoughts but it's like I have no control. Is this all just my weirdness or can anyone relate?