The worthless part, that was me, and I guess him too. He didn't want a divorce. He did it to hurt me when I remarried, I never would have if I thought for one moment he would take our kids. And I lost that marriage (not a biggie) but almost my life to alcohol, later. I totally relate Dark - my kids were my *everything*. I was a stay at home mom, wrote websites back then. I had parenting page for mom tips, hundreds of fun stuff. I had no idea who I was: a motherless mother? They were my center. We had lost our very first son due to premature birth. He died in my arms a few days later. While I experienced that loss, I can't say if it helped or not. At least I knew (when he let me talk to them) they were ok. Speaking of grief...

I'm also grieving, I think for my son moving recently. The little sh---- who was non med compliant, and stole, lied, disrespected me said, the night he left, his last words. "Have drink mom. Just get drunk". I think I've said I've been sober for 5 years & counting, but oddly enough I miss that little boy now 18yo kid. He stole my cell phone, wiped the crucial court case data for the fight for the 11yo. He knew what was on there, knew it was mine and sold it. Anyway, after he left we found he also stole the RAM to his 11yos laptop, and much more. I worry about him crashing & burning. I worry about drugs & alcohol, which all signs indicate. I can't do anything to help him.

Now the 11yo I already have custody of. Her "father" had *nothing* to do with her until I had to file for state medical in 2011 & they had to have his info. He hired a high priced attorney and is trying to get out of whatever he can, and get her when ever he can. All the dad glory, none of the responsibility. He claimed her on his 2011 taxes when he had only just met her. Tax fraud. anyone else who might have read similar posts knows I loathe the guy.

Maybe my dreams will help me let go. I have to stop holding on to the pain, (let go of the pain, not the experience) it has no purpose except one - like just what you did Dark, share it with another to help ease her pain. thank you

And thank you too HQ

Now genetic, for you & everyone, playing on my iPod now: