Thanks everyone, I am sending hugs to all of you. I don't want you to be in pain either, it's also terrible to hear that you are.

I don't like journaling somehow! I don't like thinking even more about my thoughts, which is where it somehow goes for me.

H3rmit - I don't sleep enough.

I don't feel that I can make it moment by moment. I'm really freaking out today, and keep having a gag reflex from crying. I'm so scared. I don't feel like I can do it, or that I can hold on.

I hear your words, saying I'm also waiting out the moment, I'm trying to hold on - but gosh, how. I'm totally on my own, and feel a huge scared can't. The pain is exploding.