WHY WHY WHY did I cut my hair!? I had beautiful dreadlocks almost down to my butt. About 4 years I had them. I loved them. People always asked me when I was gonna cut them. The first question was how long have you had them, the second was how do you wash them and the third was how long are you gonna keep them/when are you gonna cut them?

I think I got so sick of that question, like it was the purpose of growing them, to cut them, it was so stupid. But what did I do? I turned 30 and two days later got a pixie cut. And I've regretted it everyday since. I KNEW what I looked like without dreads, that's the whole reason I grew them!!! Because I hated my stupid fcking hair. Everyday I wake up and try so hard to do something different with it, it still looks so stupid and ugly. To boot, I gained 50lbs from the lethal dose of Seroquel the stupid b!tch doctor put me on and I'm fat. Fat with short hair, just makes me look fatter. It's been almost 6 months and I swear it's not grown a bit. I'm so miserable. I even hand sewed my dreads into a headband so I could wear them again but it didn't turn out the way I had hoped That was my only hope. I've been wearing hats forever. And now it's Summer already in the southeast USA and so hot. So Im already fat and sweaty, now Im doubly sweaty trying to cover up my stupid head. Im so miserable. And no, Im not going to post a picture and ask opinions because I'm THAT embarrassed. I quit leaving the house when the weight gain got excessive. I even stopped going to church. I won't grocery shop unless it's late at night and no one is out. Idk what to do. Everytime I look in the mirror I want to bash my face into it. I hate myself for making me so ugly. Then I realize how crazy that sounds. Obviously i was always ugly and the dreadlocks just distracted me and others. Especially since Im a white girl in Alabama sporting dreadlocks. Idk what to do. Im so sad.