I am going through a breakup and having a really hard time with it. My ex tells me that he broke up with me because he can't handle my insecurities anymore. I need to tell my story to see what other people think. Was I too insecure or did he make me feel that way?

I met him at a bar one night and it felt right at the time. On the first day we hung out after meeting I told him about a past relationship where I was cheated on, so I told him I have trust issues (*red flag on my behalf*) but that I was looking for a committed relationship. He told me he "used to take summers off from work" and that he has a 10y.o daughter, but that he's looking for the same thing.

On the second time we hung out he invited me to his house for a party where I met some of his friends. At the end of the night him and I and two other couples jumped in the hot tub. I was tipsy and trying to flirt with him so I did a handstand with my legs in the air. One of the girls 'A' decided to take her entire bikini off and to climb all over the guy I was interested in. He pushed her off, but the weird thing was that her boyfriend 'P' kept trying to grab my butt. I felt very uncomfortable with the situation and later the guy I was seeing told me, don't worry, 'A' and 'P' are weird, they cheat on each other all the time and 'A' does really stupid things when she's drunk.

A month later we became 'official' and a few weeks later he said that he was going to come to my apartment but that first he needed to meet with some friends. I didn't hear from him at the time he said he'd be over, and he didn't answer my calls or my texts. I finally heard from him 2.5 hours later. He was drunk and came to my apartment and told me he wanted to tell me something but that I needed to trust him. He said he went out with an ex and some of her friends and when he drove her home she tried to invite him in for the night. He declined and told her he's seeing someone he really likes. I forgave him for that.

But then a couple weeks later we got in an argument and he stormed out of my apartment. He called me 30min later to say that his buddy wasn't home and that he wanted to come back. He also said, "I was gonna sleep at my ex's but I didn't!" I forgave him for that.

One day he mentioned to me that he had looked through my facebook to see if I was still talking to other guys (which I wasn't). I decided a few days later to look through his facebook and I found some messages between him and 'A' from a year before we met, with him saying "I can't stop thinking about your body" and "come over for dinner, no sex, just dinner." When I asked him about it he told me that there was one night where he "made out with her for a few minutes, but that was it." I told him I'm not comfortable with their friendship (they would text each other often) but he just said, "Well she's my friend."

He even told me he wanted to invite his ex to a party at our house one night. I told him that makes me uncomfortable.

I could never resolve those feelings of discomfort and I was dismissed any time I raised my concern. My insecurities over this girl got so bad after awhile that I started looking through his phone and even accused him at one point of thinking my friend is cute. One night we went out for my best friend's birthday party and he got so drunk. One the way home he made a passing comment about himself "looking good for the girls." When I asked him about it at home he completely lost it and started to destroy his kitchen. At one point he pushed me and flipped me off the mattress so that I landed on my new laptop and cracked the screen. The next morning he left the house and sent me a message saying he needs a break. I went to my sister's for a week and we chatted through text. I told him I knew it wasn't right for me to look through his phone or to accuse him of liking my friend. I also said I think the 'A' issue and the little comments needs to be resolved. He said we could give it another try as long as I knew what went wrong. There was no further discussion. He didn't think we needed to talk anything out still as long as I knew what I did wrong.

During the month of December I asked if we could exchange gifts for our first Christmas together. He agreed. Then on Christmas morning he told me he didn't buy me anything. When I cried he told me he wasn't going to my family dinner and locked himself in the bathroom. I had to beg him to come to the dinner.

Then in January he quit his job with no notice. I initially supported him. But then he would sit on the computer all night and sleep all day. I offered to help write his resume and to look for jobs. He also stopped helping out around the house. The odd time he'd cook dinner, but I did all the cleaning and laundry. I was also working full-time shift work and trying to write a master's thesis. I would ask him to help and he'd get mad and say I'm just looking for faults in him.

In the month of February I threw a bday party for myself. I chose the date that we had met the year before at the bar we had met. I told him how much it meant to me and our relationship. That night he couldn't find his ID, couldn't get in the bar, went home to look for his ID and messaged me 30min later to say, "It's okay babe have fun with your friends." The next day when I told him that really upset me he said he didn't realize it meant that much to me.

After 3.5 months of not working it really started to wear on me. One night I made the mistake of getting really drunk and said some mean things to him in front of some of his friends. The next day I felt terrible and apologized. A couple weeks after that I got drunk again and yelled at him for not helping to clean the house. Again the next day I felt terrible and apologized.

Then one night he told me he had to go to a strip club for a bachelor party. I got upset and quiet and didn't want to talk, but eventually I told him it makes me uncomfortable, but I didn't say he could not go. I had friends over the night he went out and kept myself busy. He was nice enough to call me while he was there to reassure me.

Then one day he asked me if I'd consider being in a threesome with him and another guy. I thought about it for a week and got really emotional one night and asked him how he could even want to see another guy have sex with me. He dropped it.

A week later he mentioned another bachelor party and I immediately assumed it was another strip club and told him again I'm not comfortable with it. He sat up that whole night and broke up with me the next day, saying he can't handle my insecurities and that I have issues. I had to move in with a friend and didn't hear from him for a week. When I did hear from him he was really mean and cold to me. But a week later he asked if I'd still sleep with him... saying he thought it was a good idea, that he missed me but didn't want to be with me... when I said no and that I thought he was being selfish he told me to get on with my life.

Was I being too insecure in this relationship? Or did I tolerate too much bad behaviour?

Please be kind in your responses.