Hello and welcome to Psych central. I am very glad that you are trying to get help for yourself, regarding the abuse. Sexual abuse is always the hardest thing to deal with emotionally, when sometimes all you can ask is why? Fortunately for everyone there is professional help for when the going gets to bad to take own our own, and talking to others that understnd helps as well as well as support groups for abuse survivors. I hope the best for you, take care sincerely Soidhonia