hi guys....

well tbh i just think/know i'm not going to find anyone.....nineteen.....i know, that's so very young isn't it I have YEARS to meet someone but tbh I DON'T WANT TO BE say, 35 & still single tbh i know i'm going to just push them all away

even now i'm tired of being alone & i' m 'only 19' :L I was drunk at the weekend & i tried to get my ex back by going to his home & drunkenly apologising to him but he doesn't want to hear it- you see this guy really liked me, & i screwed it up by constantly pushing him away then pulling him back (saying things like 'i'm sorry i just needed space') then pushing him away over n over, I also abused him, until he turned on me. LOL its pathetic tbh


I keep doing it i never stop its like a constant habit pattern & i can't stop it. i'm even doing it with guys I've been on dates with, said to one i really liked him & then went with someone else whilst i was with him, just playing games with them both, abusing them & then saying i'm sorry & pulling them back then telling them both they aren't what i'm looking for and hurting them both emotionally, then i sometimes will move onto the next guy/s but normally i just recluse up & stay indoors listening to music & drinking, and i don't know why i do it

Tbh i'm just a total hopeless case. I'm not going to get anywhere in life. I have some sort of problem inside my head I don't know

whenever i meet someone compatible or someone who likes me i play games with them or just tell them i have a boyfriend.