All of this takes time. My T says what happens in the therapy room was determined by my upbringing and all we can do is notice it and work with it as it happens. There are times when I'm not capable of experiencing him as someone trustworthy who cares about me. You sound the same in that you want to trust and feel comfortable with your T but you don't have a template for that yet. You only have templates for feeling like a burden when you're not, for feeling like you shouldn't talk when you should. It will take time to undo these. This isn't a barrier to your therapy, it is part of your therapy. If you could suppress these issues from showing up in the room then your T wouldn't be able to help you fix them.