Thank you so much for the replies and hugs everyone. I hadn't even considered that she might feel the same, especially as the time went over, though I don't know if she arrived in time to be aware of that.

I did feel unimportant and second best growing up. I'm so grateful to all of you who posted about this because it never once occurred to me to make any kind of connection, not sure why now as it seems obvious. My parents acted in a more loving and caring way towards my brother. They made space for his feelings but never mine.

I'd been telling my T about how I tried to tell my mum I hated school and was being bullied. She wasn't interested and wouldn't listen. I've just remembered that my brother was bullied at school. Why do I know this? Because he WAS listened to.

So I think I also worry that my T can't have space to care about me and someone else, that I could get pushed out by their problems. Wow. I am so grateful to all of you for helping me work this out. I thought it was just that she looked prettier and happier than me - like someone who wouldn't feel the same as me about this! - at first, but it's not just that.