Hi,

I've been sharing a bit of my husbands struggle here. He is getting better, thank goodness, but my wish to end our marriage is still in my thoughts. I still do not have faith that he will once and for all deal with his depression (and all the ups and downs that go along with it). I'm not sure who he really is. I know the signs of a depressive disorder untreated and I feel we have lived that way for most of our marriage. I fear the familiar feeling better and going off his meds again, blameing me, or stopping therapy and being his "own" doctor. I'm trying to be seperate from him, within the house, and not cruel, but I'm not about to say.... "hey, it's okay...." till I feel it could finally be okay. It's been a long road.

Anyway, after an episode of depression and the lifting, do other "caregivers" feel down, exhausted, unclear. I couldn't say what I feel is depression, I do not have the negative thoughts, but I do feel blahh, tired, a bit iritiable, and just unclear. It's like ok, now it's over, but dang, I need a vacation and a chance to clear my head. It's hard to get back to where you were.

I do think it might be just part of the whole marriage in a bad place thing but part of me just wants to rejoice that he's back , let him take care of me as he's asked to and get back to where we were and belive the promises. But then there's a part of me just wants to sleep it off and make decisions later. If I give an inch I'm afraid I will feel resentful for giving in once again...... because it always returns (at least it always has).