Hi DTug, welcome to PC!

I have bipolar with possible psychosis (possible because I've never actually been able to get treatment during my psychosis, but it's pretty obvious I have it.) I also have generalized anxiety disorder.

I have battled suicidal thoughts since I was a kid. I really have come to believe suicidal thoughts are very similar to psychotic delusions, at least in my experience. Your brain is telling you things that appear very logical and true, but it is actually all lies.

I believe I've overcome my suicidal tendancies at this point in my life. I have done so through constant vigilance. I know that it is still in my brain, and it could pop up at any time. My coping skills are to focus on something outside myself that is important to me. In my case it is my children. My mom died when I was a kid and growing up without her has been very hard on me. I Just focus on the fact that my kids need me. No matter what lies my brain is telling me, that is my focus point. I don't want my kids to go through what I went through.

For me, this is a very powerful coping skill.

I know for a fact that during suicidal thoughts you can't always convince yourself to live for you. I know a lot of people say "You have to live for you," but what I say is, "First you have to survive, get to a better headspace, and then living for you comes naturally." First you have to fight off the demon.

Take care of yourself, call on support people if you have them, and don't give up. Keep posting if you can. This place is actually helpful. It's good to hear from people who understand things. And remember, the suicidal thoughts are a lie being told to you by your own brain. You don't have to listen to them. They are only thoughts. The only way they can hurt you is if you act on them.