Ames, I think I am on the other side of a similar situation. I'm not going to say this is what is going on, but hopefully my perspective will help.

I have a hard time talking about my problems with anyone and it seems the closer I am to someone the harder it is. I know I am isolating myself from my wife and I feel terrible about this. I also feel that what is hurting me could also hurt her. I love my wife very much and don't want to be a burden on her. I know thinking like this doesn't make sense and that I am also hurting her, but it's so hard to do anything else. It's automatic.

Anyway, I know you are feeling rejection, but it's possible it's isolation on his part and not inteded to hurt you. Isolation or withdrawing from the ones you love is one of the symptoms of depression.

I know you are concerned about your husband, but you need to remember to take care of yourself too. You mentioned that you have really low self esteem. Is there anything that could help you with that?