Welcome DTug.

My diagnoses are fairly similar to what you describe, but we are all quite unique in terms of the finer details of what we actually experience. My last "episode" has taken about 5 years from gradual decline into severe depression to manic episode, to psychosis, to mixed and suicidal to ultradian cycling, and finally to relatively stable since 8 months ago. The paranoia and mild hallucinations rear their heads from time to time, and my startling and inability to cope with people's voices coming from several directions at once continue to be painful.

But as DHX has emphasised, we can fight it and there are many resources we can draw on. For me, family support has been one of the biggest blessings, which has enabled me to get medical help and manage my environment and triggers more effectively.

One of the most harmful bits of well meant advice friends have offered me is to just have a positive attitude and not believe the rubbish that bipolar is really a disorder. I have found that people with that viewpoint have no way of comprehending what it is we are dealing with. We are often facing a full scale war for our survival and need to take hold of every opportunity to win. For me, that included going the medical route (eventually) to get a shot at stability, reading up as much as possible on Bipolar and self help, and developing a survival and recovery strategy.

So I encourage you to keep talking to people here at Psych Central, and share in the mutual support on the forums.
I hope you manage to get through your current agony soon.

TS