So I recently found out that I'm pregnant. I'm almost 12 weeks along. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the pregnancy. I have been dating women for about 6 or 7 years. The father and I have been friends for about that long. On St. Patrick day this year, he and I got very drunk. I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship, and didn't have many friends left. I seem to have an undiagnosed case of nymphomania, so one thing led to another that night, and I wound up pregnant. I was on birth control more for regulation purposes, but obviously, it was ineffective. The first of my mixed feelings are because that was my first time with a guy, and (I know it sounds weird but) I almost feel like I've failed as a lesbian. Also, I sort of feel like no real lesbian is going to want me now, though I know that's nonsense. It's just my age group that I'm worried about. I'm only 21, and I'm at a point where I need to actually meet new people. I have a very hard time talking about the pregnancy with my friends and family. I feel like it will change the view my friends have of me, and with my family, it's like I don't want to get into all the details with them. They all want to know what I want, a boy or a girl? Or what I'm thinking about for names or what I'm most excited about. When the truth is, I feel like I'm not as excited as I should be. I haven't thought about any of those things, and it makes me wonder what kind of mother I'll be... I'm supposed to go on Friday for my second appointment, to hear the heartbeat. But I haven't heard anything from the appointment two weeks ago. Everybody tells me that it means there's nothing wrong, but I can't help but think that for all I know, the baby is dead and there won't be a heartbeat. And of course, the father, my mom and my cousin all want to go with me, so they'll be there when I find out. I guess I just don't know what I'm feeling. And my apathy over the whole thing worries me, too. I had to stop taking my medication for obvious reasons, and I'm really struggling without it. I guess I'm just looking for some advice or at least some validation on the whole situation. Thanks for even just reading this.