My husband would definitely agree with you about not asking 'why are you giving me the cold shoulder'. Through him, I have learned to rephrase the question into a statement about how I feel. The question puts the other person on the defensive, and usually results in them denying it anyway. Posing it as an "I" statement (the most trite overused phrase of this decade, but it does make sense in this case) takes the accusation out of it, but still allows me to express my concern about the state of the friendship.

The way I deal with it is that I broach the subject... twice. No more than twice. That way I have given them the opportunity to discuss the problem with me but (call this pride getting in the way if you want but) I'm not going to beg. If someone's cold behavior is hurting me, I let them know that, too.

Yes, it has probably cost me some friendships, but the way I look at it is that I want my circle of friends to be people who aren't afraid to confront me if I've done something to offend them. It means that I limit myself, but at the same time, I protect myself with a policy to not get in positions to drive myself crazy with friends who won't discuss issues.

I don't think my advice is very good for other people, but it's what I do for myself.

Good luck