I have experienced this sensation over and over again with several different men over the last two-three years especially. I meet a great, sweet, interesting, funny, stable (relatively) guy and I'm smitten for a few weeks until suddenly I realize one day that I must get as far away from them as possible.

I feel repulsed by them looking at me, touching me, talking to me. It makes it worse when they try to comfort me and I seem to mentally emasculate them at some point through all of this. I cringe at the thought of them being near me and once literally ran away from them. I sever communication, ignore their calls and texts, usually without any explanation (how can I explain something like this??). I hate it because the feelings seem real in the beginning, then I suddenly deconstruct all of them, tear down the good views I have of the person, and can only see weakness in them. I feel that I'm incapable of accepting love and, therefore, am unlovable.

I don't know how to change these feelings or where they even come from but it is extremely frustrating and I don't enjoy hurting others despite feeling I have no other choice.