Well we talked more about it yesterday. My T claimed that she didn't want me to fantasize about her so that I could be closer to her. She said it doesn't sound like anything she would say...

It was weird, the more we talked, the more I think we were inching toward me leaving therapy. There were three options discussed:

1.) To leave therapy completely

2.) To continue therapy and work things out

3.) To get some consultation

I wasn't sure what consultation was, but she said it was to have some people come in and talk to me directly. And those would be feedback given to my T. I thought my T would be with me, but she said no, it would just be me. So I thought out loud, "now I am spending more time and money to get this relationship to work", that plus I am supposed to take more meds now. I questioned her directly, why bring up the meds only when I said I was about to leave? She responded that it was always on the back of her mind, but lately I have just become less responsive.

Also, I told her about all the times I told her about the fantasies I had, but she claimed she never knew it got "this bad" up until his point. But I insisted that I told her about this many times!!! I mean I wasn't doing anything "crazy", but I definitely thought about my T alot and I mentioned that MANY times to her.

It came to a point where I just told my T maybe we could just continue therapy and we will work this out. She said she is unsure about where to go from here, which mimicked what I said earlier. The more we talked, the more I got a sense she also wanted not continue therapy, even though she said it was "my decision."