Thanks. Yes what you say is probably accurate, in terms of a 'diagnosis', as far as thats possible. And your suggestions about therapy are probable further useful again, except I dont have the cash for that, and dont want to be in a situation where a weekly therapy chat is my only human contact! I have actually experienced that before - a counsellor at university for example, and then I would go back to my life where I was barely coping. In such circumstances, the conventional/psychiatric model would consider temporay institutionalisation - I know how it works! - which is a rather disgusting attitude, I've experienced before. Its not what I need, basically. In some ways, I'm a capable kinda guy. In other ways, I'm absolutely not. Having support from people is what I need, but I dont ever want to be in a position agian where I'm vulnerable to or dependent on other peoples arbitrary kindness/consideration. I actually did that, then 5 years ago I discovered the ****, the ******, the low-life arrogant scumbag, was threatening behind my back to do serious damage to my life, because I hadn't agreed with something. Long story....but basically, it was a spiritual group which had and still does have *profound* things to offer. I benefited from it - I saw it, experienced it, was involeved for many years. And it was *so* fantastic, my life was bilt around it. Then - that **** behaved like that: he was jeopardising it for me.

I know, I know, this will sound like a cult, etc etc.....I'm far too intelligent for that, and what they were offering was a million miles from that. The issue actually is this: it was fantastic. Then I encountered a **** who behaved like that. Which did a massive amount of damage, and 1) threw me back on my own resources (I dont have any) and 2) triggered all the massive hurt and vulnerability I had locked inside me, anyway!