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I have no respect for the man, and I would not be able to shield the disdain from my face.
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Similar boat. This is about you and your grandmother and her time is short.
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I told my mother I would not go to the house she tells me she is torn between my father and I, which is odd because I make it my policy not to ask anything of her.
When I refused to visit, the conversation spiraled out of control as she told me she wanted to jump off a bridge and most recently told me to "take care and have a great life".
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Sounds like she is caught between a rock and a hard place. My mother also, but she is not one to guilt me.
I haven't seen my family in years but will be visiting this year. Only 2 weeks, I refuse to allow the Family of Origin malarkey throw me off center. You can probably do the same, knowing where the angst and discomfort stem from, you can mentally prepare and protect yourself from it. Detachment. My father can babble and blare, I don't care. His words and opinions have no validity.
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In an unwise decision on my part, I vented to my family connections on Facebook about the "have a great life" comment. My aunt (father's sister) is infuriated by this and tells me that they are the best parents in the world and that I am rotten for saying anything like that. At first I feel like that little kid I once was, scolded for being inappreciative of all they've given me. But then I realize that this is how a dysfunctional family survives, by protecting the host that is the source of the problem.
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There's your answer. You didn't do anything wrong, they just don't like the airing of the dirty laundry. Nothing you can do about it. Were it not dirty, it would not need airing.