You need to get professional help. I know that's hard to do when you feel like ****. Can your boyfriend call your insurance to get a list of psychologists & counselors for you? Maybe he can call to make the appointments as well. I'm sure all you have to do is ask him. Or does your insurance have an EAP program - it's a special program set aside for emergency use to get you quick help. I've used that before and it is helpful when you can barely pick up the phone.