Hang in there, Maranara. Hopefully you'll be able to get through this period of difficulty and land on calmer shores. My whole life I've had problems with relationships: being ditched, stalking people (didn't realize it was stalking until I described the incidents to a counsellor a few years ago), self-harming, going insane with anxiety and depression over abandonment and rejection...I still have a difficult time self-validating. I am getting better in relationships, though. I don't always automatically want to cut people off when they piss me off anymore. Just most of the time. And I am now able to ride it out until the anger subsides and see it for what it really is. It takes time. It takes practice. I found DBT very helpful for depersonalizing things and focusing on my own self.