Look in your telephone directory or the online website for your town and find telephone numbers for the various helplines available. You need to talk to someone who is familiar with mental health issues.
You deserve help. You are trying to take responsibility for your own improvement which is very courageous. Keep looking. Also there is so much information and hotline numbers listed on this site. Some of these are on the national level. You should be able to get help there at least.
Good luck.