"What a mess I am" is a personal judgment perception. Your T might not see you as "mess" and/or might be comforting or cheer you up, give you a pleasant respite from your horrible week, etc. I did not miss sessions because I never knew what might happen. As Poet Laureate John Masefield put it:

I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust too.