Mary & Sometimes, you are both very kind. Thank you both so much

I just get so confused about whether this stuff is real or not. I've always struggled opening up to people, and then this suspiciousness and the fact that I've been dismissed before makes me even more nervous about reaching out for help.

And then I minimise everything and think it's not really that bad; other people have it so much worse than me...

And I'm getting a bit dubious about whether medication will help me. Abilify/aripiprazole eased the voices but not the worries. I couldn't handle respiradone/Risperdal, and I've been on Seroquel/quetiapine and it's doing nothing other than making me hungry. I really think I need therapy, but pdoc says there isn't any for me on the NHS. I'm on benefits so I don't think I can afford to go private, but I'm getting so desperate that I was looking at therapists online, but none of them say they can handle psychosis and they're all so expensive...IDK. Sometimes I get so helpless about it all

Oh and Newtus & Atypical: certain antidepressants made me really suicidal and agitated too. Prozac/fluoxetine was one of those. I read recently that Prozac & Effexor/venlafaxine can cause akathisia, like you can get on antipsychotics, which may have been what happened to me, or they triggered a mixed episode; still not really sure.

*Willow*