wow newday you and I share so much of the same background. I was the oldest of 4 at our house and y step dad and mother were heavy violent drinkers. Damn what we all went through, I was the mom in our house from a young age and took most of the abuse until I left at 17 then I found out recently that it carried on to my younger sister. Now I feel like if I had just stayed she would have been spared. I married 2x to men I could have done without.
Just like you I thought all kids lived like we did but when I had a child I treated her like gold , I dint know what changed me but I am happy I changed and she is a wonderful mother herself now. She seems to function normally today and I hope I was part of that process.