I have reached the point that I do NOT want to die. I do not want to do anything to cause it. But now on top of everything else I was feeling, I feel horrible at how low I have let myself get. I feel I have completely torn down any bit of example I wanted to be for my kids. They have seen me hit a brick wall and just stop. I was NOT a person that did that. I was not a person that doesn't even have energy to brush my teeth, cook dinner, clean my house. But no matter how I try, I cannot do it. I loved getting out and walking, driving to destinations i read or was told about. I have always love springtime and yard work and crafts. I simply have no desire. I rarely get dressed most days. There is not one thing that I am excited or hopeful about. I have always loved the ocean. Just being there watching waves. I thought maybe a trip there would help, of course I am broke and can't afford it now, but the thing is even if money werent an issue, I just don't want to go. I have always been a hopeful, "lets do this" kind of person, now I'm just not. I don't know how to be who I am now but I don't know how to get back to who I was.
Yes, I see a therapist. I have no desire to but I do go.