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Originally Posted by Maranara
He likes to mince words. I know this is something Asperger's do....a lot of you guys are very specific when it comes to the meaning of words and have issues with abstract or figurative meanings, but I don't know if he gets it or is doing it on purpose.
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It is as though my instructions don't mean anything unless I'm right there enforcing them. His answer when I confronted him was "I wasn't doing it right then."
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My son has an extremely good memory. He can quote from things he's concerned with. He took geometry in 8th grade in school, but when he doesn't do something you ask him to, his excuse is always "I forgot.".
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He doesn't or doesn't want to generalize that he has the same chores every night and I shouldn't have to directly tell him to do them.
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I have a very hard time properly disciplining him due to problems I had with overdiscipline growing up, but I need for him to work with me, and I'm having a lot of problems right now.
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I don't have kids, but I remember being one. I also have an AS (autism spectrum) husband that is enough younger (and therefore less experienced) than me that people often assume he is my son. So, I have dealt with some of these problems before, albeit with a young adult rather than a teenager.
The mincing words is an unconscious defence mechanism, as well as plain ignorance, IMO. But mince this: the difference between an excuse and a good reason.
The memory and forgetting thing, oh, yeah, bigtime. It boiled down to, in my case, he was not placing enough importance on the chores so easily forgotten. He's since grown up and realized it's not fair to me and it's nice to have a clean house that runs smoothly. I harped on that a bit - systems! We are systems thinkers, often, and the house has a system, and you play your part if you are a grownup. Your son is on the cusp of being a grown-up, but is he aware of that? Specifically how to draw his attention - well, repeated conversations about responsibility and growing up is about as specific as I can be. Draw attention to his excellent memory for other things, and call BS on the forgetting. It's neglecting, not forgetting. Since he's not stupid, he doesn't need to act stupid.
When you grow up, you remember to do maintenance things. Time for him to grow up, brush his teeth, comb his hair, and do those communal chores as well as following the reasonable rules of the house. You could always ask him if he has a better system than you do.
Maybe he will come up with something more efficient. If not, your way rules. This gives him a chance to own it, at which point he may appreciate that your way works well.
The above may sound harsh, but it is reasonable and can be said calmly.