Life is ********, whoever invented it should be shot!

If things don't change drastically in the next year, my gift to myself is "eternal rest" for my 30th birthday.

If I can have normal problems like my peers (altho idk what normal problems look like) then I will accept that. My mess, my responsibility. But no, I'm so caught up cleaning up daddy's post mortem mess, trying to stop them from kicking us out, and now trying to stop them from turning off our water. And lets not forget Eskom saying they will be load-shedding this Winter, which means no electricity in our area during certain times!!

You wanna know a secret I've been carrying?
I fkn resent my dead dad!!! I hate him. I hate him. I fkn hate him!!!

WTF Was he thinking not paying our bills for years??? Where am I supposed to come up with the money they want????

I have no idea how I'm gonna cope if I don't get a job soon! 1 more paycheck and this job is done... On the upside, I'm paying everything school related upfront, so that I don't have to worry bout Jordan. But 2k for her busfare hits me right in the gut though...

Year after fkn year, I'm expected to clean up some sort of mess, avert some kind of crisis. NOTHING runs smoothly for me. NOTHING. There's never a "sit back and enjoy" time, so if THIS is life, then no thank you, I want NO part of it.

I am so tempted to just run off, I don't even care where, and my feet are seriously ITCHING to go! But of course I can't leave, I'm someone's mother. My wants don't matter.

Its like stress is part of my daily diet, even tho I make sure not to serve it to myself. But its obvious someone keeps slipping me some.

I Honestly can't take it anymore, this rubber band is about to snap.

I'm giving it a year, then I'm done with this sorry excuse of a life.