Last night I posted about my complicated relationship, but here's another thing that's sending me on an emotional roller coaster. I'll try to keep this one shorter.

I was born into a Mormon family, and had been a firm believer in the faith until very recently; always attending church meetings and praying, etc. For a long time my parents and I were looking forward to me turning 19 (Though they recently changed the minimum age to 18) so that I could serve a mission. After I left my parents (who live in Indonesia) for college, I very suddenly became inactive in the church, though I was taking a Book of Mormon class for college that my parents recommended I enroll in.

Up until now, I felt guilty about not going to church, since I still I believed in it's teachings. But about a week ago I realized "Hey, a lot of stuff doesn't add up. Why don't I feel empty because of the lack of blessings that I would normally get from praying and going to church? I don't feel things have changed a bit!" Of course, I could go on and on about things that gradually increased my skepticism, but I don't feel it's necessary.

So now I have to face something that feels very strange to me: disappointing my parents for something I genuinely feel is the right thing to do. To top it all off, my oldest brother is still a devout Mormon, and I have a very strong relationship with him and his family. I'm honestly not sure what's going to happen when I tell this to everyone, and to put it simply, I'm scared!