You've made a good decision. I admire you so much, to be able to remain so strong and determined, even when things are at their worst.
I understand how fustrating the whole therapist thing can be. I currrently have no insurance and no more than a dime to my name, so I can't see someone, even know I know I probably should be.
Whatever you do, try to keep your positive attitude up. It's very important, especially when we're trying to fight off our darkest and most dangerous demons. You need to win that fight. I believe I'm losing, dying slowly as each day passes.
But I need to tell you that your hope gives me a little bit of hope, that maybe tomrrow will be better than today.
Stay strong, patient and I'm sure everything will work out for you, Jon.

((((hugs)))))))))