I would work to figure out what I actually wanted. If I were literally in your position, I personally would want to work part-time and pursue counselling. But I don't see what you would be working toward just applying for SSI? I see you work a whole lot of hours and I assume that is because you want to work a whole lot of hours. What would you do if you were on SSI and not working at all? That is a big change. In other words, I would try to make a scenario I really wanted and work toward that but for right now, maybe I'd work part-time and use the rest of my time to see what I could arrange for, say, the next 5 years. You did not mention working another job with less hours and health insurance so you could see a therapist, for example. What do you actually want for yourself, given your doctor's input and your current job, whether you like it or not or feel good working there, your medical situation and what you would like to strive for there, etc.?