I am a 23 years old male from Sweden. I am depressed at the moment, have been like this for maybe 2-3weeks now, the last week have been worst. I don't find pleasure in anything, feelings of meaningless and overall darkness, it's like someone have turned the lights off. Even the lights and the sun are darker than usual.

I got my first depression when i was 15-16years old, i got scared because it was the first time but the doctor told me that i had moderate depression. I felt much worse than "moderate", couldnt sit still or concentrate at all.
The put me on SSRI and i have been on and off in periods since then.

I can't remember how many periods i have had in my life, but it's more than i can remember. It often stay for 2 weeks and it can be like hell. But it can last longer too, last period was around late december to early february.

The period i have right now have been there for maybe 2 weeks, but the first week was just like a cloud on the sky, a feeling of distress or something. Last week have been harde, i really dont enjoy anything i do, i just want the day to end and so on.

BUT

then i can have those periods when i enjoy myself and feel "strong" and energized, i enjoy myself too much and i don't really like other people because they are slow and dumb. When i feel depressed i can feel for everyone. Mostly because i feel like **** myself.. Maybe you are supposed to feel that good all the time, maybe i just have depressive traits, i don't know. When i am up i don't really think i am "up", i am just normal. And i always feel like i can be a little bit happier, i don't do drugs but i am extremely interested in drugs.

Can it be Bipolar? I am sure that i don't have bipolar 1, because i have never had any psychosis or mania.
So either Bipolar 2 or Cyclothymic.
I have read about Bipolar 2 and it seems like it's the worst diagnosis you can get, depressed for 90% of the time and very short hypomania. So i really don't want to have bipolar 2.. lol

sorry if the text.. is so bad you can't understand what i am trying to say.

Thanks.