I've read that the alcoholic personality doesn't start out the way it ends up. It's the
alcohol itself that causes the personality changes: the need to try to control, the
co-dependency needs, the low self-image, etc. Therapy is the way to help change that
if you can put that into your schedule.

If you go online and look at some sights that describe the alcoholic personality, you might find the cause of the feelings you have developed over time. Even though you no longer drink, those patterns may be set until you get help to remove them from your personality.