I've read that bi-polars suffer from immense and exaggerated guilt during their depressions. Well, I left my ex-husband 11 years ago when my kids were 6, 8 and 10. My ex-husband actually had kept me stable for 17 years without one hospitalization and no meds so I figured I did not come down with the "manic-depressive disorder" that both my mom and grandmother had. For the last 11 years, I have been hospitalized 6 times and have been first on Depacote and now Lithium and began at that time self-medicating with alcohol (now only beer) due to enviromental triggers. My kids are all at Universities either out of state or 500 miles away and now are feeling the resentment towards my BP1 and drinking binges. I'm having nightmares (Temazapam) and exteme depressive guilt. <font color="#000088"> </font>