I think it's more a personal perception than a set-in-cement state? There's nothing wrong with accepting one's illness, there's no rule that one has to become better or evolve, etc., that's all internal "wants" or needs? I think we rail against our illnesses in different ways at different times in our lives. It's a little bit like when a loved one dies; we are disbelieving, numb, angry, all sorts of things but eventually we get less "disturbed" about the person being gone and perhaps recognize they are still in our hearts and their memory is helping us, etc. I feel I "wasted" a good 15-20 years of my life when I was young and my T even once mentioned what a shame that was. However, I also got something out of those years, they, along with everything else, went into making me who I am now. I think the older we get, like a GPA, the harder it is to change the larger picture because there's so much of it? It's like kids when they're in elementary school and think summer lasts forever but we get to be adults and summer gets shorter and shorter each year

I don't think any of this is "bad" or narrow minded. I think it has to do with interest and how one wants to spend one's resources/energy? I'm much more focused now than I was even 10-15 years ago and I like that. I had a heck of a time when I was "exploring" and trying to find how to combat my illnesses, etc. and all over the place with ideas and projects and things I thought I wanted. Now I'm overall much happier because I have a few routes and ideas of what I want to pursue in earnest.