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My kids are cool;3079775]moon, usually I like your posts, however, I really think there is a fundamental disrespect that underlies those theories. That those of in therapy will never be well enough, whole enough, or emotionally healthy enough to decide for ourselves whether a relationship would be good for us.
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I hear that is how you feel, but want you to know it is not what I feel, nor what I am trying to say. I do not believe that at all.
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Perhaps WHILE in the throes of a powerful transference, a person could not decide for his or herself, but to extend the prohibition on a romantic relationship after the end of therapy and the issues have been worked through is fundamentally disrespectful of the client and his or her emotional and intellectual strength.
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I believe that if the tranference is fully worked through, and the therapist really understands the potential damage, it would never happen - because incest should feel repellent - and to have sex with a client is incestuous to me. A truly safe therapist would never cross that line.
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I know someone who married his therapist. It trashed HER life, and she lost friends and her career. BUT they are still happily married 15+ years later. I know of another person who has been living with her former therapist for several years and seems very happy. When judging the ratios of how many of these relationships end badly, we know the numerator, because we hear about the relationships that end badly. We do not know the denominator, because there is no way way of knowing the total number of these relationship. The second couple I mentioned do not tell most people how they met because of the disapproval in the mental health community.
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The boundaries are there to protect clients because we KNOW it is damaging - we only have to look at these boards and many others to see the damage it causes. I am not convinced by the stories you give. It is fraught with difficulty as the person you describe found out. We don't know what is going on behind closed doors and appearing to be happy doesn't mean it is the case.
I know you are in pain and I respect that for you - and part of that means you are defending something for yourself and your therapy - I hope it can be talked about. Much as a child can't bear the thought of losing a parent, we have the same feelings when we are in therapy and experiencing powerful transference love. I know because I too have been there, am still working through it. But now the thought of sex with my therapist repels me - much as we grow to that as children. Fathers or mothers should never have sex with their children - it is the same dynamic. But it doesn't mean there can't be love.
I am not here to upset and I have the greatest respect for all on these boards and the struggles being faced.
Moon
