Because of all of the boundaries that I am feeling during my session I feel a need to pull back. That is how I operate. T has this huge wall of boundaries going on....I am beginning to feel it.... my emotional self is saying " screw it, I can be the same....my walls are higher, tougher than yours could ever be...I'll show you". Now my intellectual side thinks that I am being ridiculous.. that this behavior is counterproductive.
I truly do not feel like I am in love with my T. Honestly, I don't quite know what to call it....but I do have intense feelings....I often think about her, I try to look my best when I go for my session. Like Moon said, if she can't deal with my stuff because of her boundaries then I'm likely going to get hurt. I have put my self way the hell out there through emails where I disclose feelings that I never imagined expressing....we don't talk about it. I own that I am partially responsible because I don't bring it up....it is too uncomfortable. But why can't she help me in this? Then I get to thinking maybe it is me...maybe I'm not doing something right...maybe I need to just say it....not sure if I can.