Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsky
I hear that is how you feel, but want you to know it is not what I feel, nor what I am trying to say. I do not believe that at all.
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I think, and please know that I do not mean to attack you, that there is a fundamental disrespect or ... maternalistic attitude that underlies what you say in your response to me. A sense that a client can never be more than a child in your eyes, exhibited by this part of your response:
"I believe that if the tranference is fully worked through, and the therapist rally understands the potential damage, it would never happen -
because incest should feel repellent - and to have sex with a client is incestuous to me. A truly safe therapist would never cross that line. "
This shows that you continue to see your client as a child, long after the therapy relationship is over.
In my case, I do not want nor need anything even vaguely paternal from my therapist. The thought of it it repellant because I am attracted to him. I actually did experience incest, but from my mother, and so please know that incest IS repellant to me and has nothing to do with my relationship with my therapist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsky
I am not convinced by the stories you give. It is fraught with difficulty as the person you describe found out. We don't know what is going on behind closed doors and appearing to be happy doesn't mean it is the case.
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Fair enough. All of that is true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsky
I know you are in pain and I respect that for you - and part of that means you are defending something for yourself and your therapy - I hope it can be talked about. Much as a child can't bear the thought of losing a parent, we have the same feelings when we are in therapy and experiencing powerful transference love. I know because I too have been there, am still working through it. But now the thought of sex with my therapist repels me - much as we grow to that as children. Fathers or mothers should never have sex with their children - it is the same dynamic. But it doesn't mean there can't be love.
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Again, I agree with you on parents not having sex with children. But again, I think the fact that you continue to see your clients as children is fundamentally disrespectful.
I am not actually in pain about my relationship with my therapist now. I was, and talked to him about it and struggled with it. My struggle was not as great as some on here, because I am married, and trying really hard to work through issues with my husband. I plan to stay married. My therapist is married and plans to stay married. So, I knew all along that nothing was ever going to happen between us.
My struggle was in trying to deal with what I mentioned above, what seems like a fundamental disrespect underlying the rule against relationships and my therapist's statement about not having even friendships with clients. What was hugely healing for me was my therapist finally sharing his feelings about me and that he does not see me as a child or have any thoughts about incest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsky
I am not here to upset and I have the greatest respect for all on these boards and the struggles being faced.
Moon  |
I'm not actually upset -- certainly not upset with you in particular. I dislike the paternalistic/maternalistic attitude of the profession toward clients and former clients -- that we are never healthy enough to make our own decisions.