Today I saw my g.p and she said to keep the meds as they are for now and see her in two weeks, She also stated that I have to learn to find the ideas that I have that have kept me in this place and find something to replace it with. For example, she said that I should learn to tell myself something different for the belief that I have had that was a grown up I would have power and stop bad things from happening. Or, if I can function well enough, handle everything well enough, be good enough, indespensible enough that I will be safe and bad things won't happen. She wants me to go to this place called the Options Institute in Mass. Does anyone remember Barry Kaufman, the author of sonrise. I looked at the catlog and I can't figure out if it's a big punch of programming, cult stuff or what. If things were only so simple. So If I could change the thoughts I would, am trying. Pretty loaded stuff. Of course this place cost mega bucks. Couldn't do it if I wanted to. I want to change the way I think so I will not always feel so frightened. Obviously the being perfect thing ain't working for me. Bad stuff still happens and I am still scared. Okay, enough rambling.