I have a temp T appointment late this week. So far I feel no more or less stable than when I was taking my meds. I don't have that foggy feeling anymore, like something was blocking my ideas. Maybe I'll actually do well this coming semester since I did really bad in a lot of my classes while medicated- a lot of it directly because of medications (being too dizzy to get out of bed, unable to concentrate on my work, etc) but I feel like deep down I could have done better even though at the same time I feel like I tried my hardest. My dad supports me being off my meds, but that's just in line with the idea he doesn't think anything's wrong with me besides occasionally being a little depressed (three suicide attempts he knows about) but despite liking with my mother who's horribly bipolar (and just a horrible abusive person overall) for many years, he doesn't see my moods as a particular problem and thinks I was exaggerating about being manic (only had one true mania and he wasn't around to see it) even though my T was the one who suggested I was, not me!

I'm the kid who never complained about illnesses unless they got so bad it was dangerous ( bad sinus infection, whatever the hell went wrong with my kidneys, etc) partially because I have a fairly high pain tolerance, especially when depressed, but a lot because it seems whenever I do complain about an illness, it's'not as bad as I think it is' and I should just stop complaining about it.because it'ssuposedly nothing to worry about. The same has been true with bipolar so far. Dad thinks it's just bouts of depression despite what my T and pdoc think so with enough willpower and therapy, I can just get over it. AURRGH!! It doesn't work that way!