it's a difficult battle... At least you are safe, but that would be maddening to me. I need to have the choice to engage or not engage in it, or it drives me crazy faster. Does talking help? can you talk to your husband about the self-destructive urges and the smoking as part of that? would he be receptive to a conversation about it? or is that a sore topic? ((hugs)) Sending positive vibes your way...