Thank you all! So I thought I had that fire put out... but my older son asked me last night if M could come over... OMG batrastard called my son and worried him!

So this was really hard, my son wants to help him, considers him his dad, says he would do anything he can to help him.

I said I'm sorry I already told him no. He pushed it a bit (I'm going lord help me explain this to my son). I said I do want to help him too, but he can't come here, we've tried this several times and remember it turning ugly every time with all 4 of us (me and the 3 children) all having to yell at him to get the heck off our property? I already said no, I'm sorry honey.

And I walked away. That was really hard. But it's the right thing. And older son did not get mad at me or go against my word.

So that fire is out. For now... So much anxiety still though. Fear that I'll cave. But I'm staying strong at the moment. Breathing...