Try going 'No Contact' for awhile. It will safe guard all of you. Having contact with him is only hurting you and your children. It causes anxiety. He has to get his self together before he can come around.

I had to do this 2 years ago and it was the hardest thing I had to do because it was with my drug addicted 18 year old. He chose to move out. But he wanted to move back in still while still on drugs, and hanging out with gang members and not open to following any rules. He was on the street but for my husband and my own protection I had to say no when he decided he wanted to come home yet still lead the life of a dealer. After 2 months he hit bottom and got better on his own without my help.

I was a wreck for months, obsessed with getting him better and having him back home but I could not save him bc he didn't want help. He got help on his own and is clean and doing great now...starting freshman in college and full time job.

But during the time he was using and drinking I was crazed. And I went to tons of alanon and I followed what they suggested and it worked. I had to let go and go 'no contact' to save my sanity.

I am powerless over people, places and things but I have power over my own choices for a healthy lifestyle and safety.