I was wanting to smoke today i haven't for about 2 years maybe less
and i felt like doing it because i wanted to be self destructive because i cant cut at the moment because my husband has my tools locked up
I feel like i need to smoke as some way of hurting my self

Drink feels like a way of hurting me that i don't care what happens to me because of that
I know if i started drinking again i will not stop
Thankfully my husband is here to stop me from doing it