Quote:
Originally Posted by comicgeek007
I have a temp T appointment late this week. So far I feel no more or less stable than when I was taking my meds. I don't have that foggy feeling anymore, like something was blocking my ideas. Maybe I'll actually do well this coming semester since I did really bad in a lot of my classes while medicated- a lot of it directly because of medications (being too dizzy to get out of bed, unable to concentrate on my work, etc) but I feel like deep down I could have done better even though at the same time I feel like I tried my hardest. My dad supports me being off my meds, but that's just in line with the idea he doesn't think anything's wrong with me besides occasionally being a little depressed (three suicide attempts he knows about) but despite liking with my mother who's horribly bipolar (and just a horrible abusive person overall) for many years, he doesn't see my moods as a particular problem and thinks I was exaggerating about being manic (only had one true mania and he wasn't around to see it) even though my T was the one who suggested I was, not me!
I'm the kid who never complained about illnesses unless they got so bad it was dangerous ( bad sinus infection, whatever the hell went wrong with my kidneys, etc) partially because I have a fairly high pain tolerance, especially when depressed, but a lot because it seems whenever I do complain about an illness, it's'not as bad as I think it is' and I should just stop complaining about it.because it'ssuposedly nothing to worry about. The same has been true with bipolar so far. Dad thinks it's just bouts of depression despite what my T and pdoc think so with enough willpower and therapy, I can just get over it. AURRGH!! It doesn't work that way!
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I lived under my dad's thumb for years and really it wasn't until I was about 30 that I finally stopped giving a damn about what he thought. My husband would tell me that I simply NEEDED to do things for myself without concern for my father's feelings or opinions. But that is SO much easier said than done. I completely know how it is.
Your dad's own opinions on your illness are irrelevant really. Your diagnosis is your diagnosis. And it's your life, medicated or unmedicated it's still your choice.
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.age: 34 female .bipolar I .psychosis .panic/anxiety disorder
Seroquel XR 100mg
Labetalol for high blood pressure