I am dealing with this right now. My husband , who I am recently separated from, was a military man.
His PTSD caused such pain and horrible memories. I cannot separate this from the military that made this possible.
The fact that they have PTSD does not make the pain any less or any more forgivable in my opinion. It hurts just as much, maybe more so because we feel like we should be forgiving and supportive.
I feel for you , this is a really tough time of year.