My coping skills are pretty fragile, hence I get overwhelmed pretty easily by other people's depression. But it depends on their way of expressing it. She gets in a bad mood and uses language that expresses despair, helplessness, etc. She uses this language with no awareness of how much her own language is amplifying her depression. She also sighs, a kind of despairing sigh, which really triggers me, and constantly has a tone of voice that expresses despair. (So you could say she has the 'body language' of depression.)

Well, actually, I am talking about last night. She's not always that depressed.

Her ability to be present is not that strong even when she's in her best mood. She gets triggered by a lot of stuff and often can't get past her own reaction. For instance, my talk about dreams and my model of the unconscious triggered her own associations and she really wasn't able to support me--in fact, she felt critical to me.

I do want someone who has worked through their stuff, or at least can take a step back and see some of the things they do to contribute to their own situation.

One thing that pains me greatly is I feel she has a bad therapist who is amplifying her problems. Of course, I don't really know. I have to assume a few things based on what she says. But the picture I get is that her therapist in subtle ways reinforces her own agitation, counterproductive struggle, etc. 75% of the time after therapy she says it was brutal and that she feels terrible (because strong emotions came up). She often comes to me for support because therapy was so traumatic. That doesn't sound right to me.