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Old May 26, 2013, 05:16 PM
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TanyaP TanyaP is offline
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Member Since: May 2013
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike1127 View Post
In reading these replies and my original post I realized that I really misrepresented myself. If anyone is still with me, I would like to start this over.

I am often depressed myself and have been through some brutal periods of close to suicidal. I have been learning in therapy, over many years to have compassion for this side of myself. I enjoy participating on this forum and lending some help and understanding to people who suffer from depression and OCD, or sharing my experience.

The reason I am attracted to depressed women is that I feel that "happy people" will reject me, because I sometimes feel depressed myself.

I really have never made a relationship work, just suffered in ones that I wanted to get out of. So part of what you are reading in my original post was my own despair. I'm afraid I'll never have an enjoyable relationship. A large part of me wants to be a loner so I don't feel motivated to even try.

Mentioning "anger at a depressed person" probably gave the wrong impression, especially on a forum where many people are depressed. A couple things. I didn't say "I get angry", I said "a part of me gets angry." Which is to say, I don't identify with the anger and act it out. I realize it's my issue. It's simply a response to feeling trapped in a painful situation. It largely originates as anger at myself and my own feelings of helplessness.

I wouldn't really say mean things to her and "dump her." I have an enormous fear that whatever I say will sound like that, however, which is one thing that inhibits me.

I feel free to give compassion and understanding to other people when I'm not in a relationship with them. But I have been getting completely overwhelmed with her depression. Completely.

I'm really stuck. Saying goodbye to her feels like the end of the world. I don't quite understand why. That's why I feel stuck.

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you can understand what I really meant to say.
If you choose depressed women just because you get depressed yourself and don't feel confident enough around happy and cheerful ladies, it's a wrong reason for choosing a person to date, I'm afraid. And perhaps the reason for which you fear saying good-bye to this lady you were seeing for a while now is not you really being in love with her, but rather your fear for feeling even more insecure, fear for feeling you are a loser or something like that. And it isn't quite right to feel that way, if do feel your relationship is disfunctional and do tell her good-bye, you should know, it has nothing to do with you being a loser, it rather means you have strong enough a personality not to mess with people who don't appreciate you and your opinions enough. Because if she isn't trying to understand your point of view and discuss it instead of criticizing it, that shows she isn't going to be a supportive person on the long run, and it always helps to be strong enough to break up that sort of relationships..
Thanks for this!
MusicMike