Yea anger is an awesome catalyst for change. Even Goddesses have a wrathful side! And you are a Goddess stuck in human gravity, IMHO believing in reincarnation, I think we agreed to this life. God needs us here and being in a pure invincible feeling spirit form, we said of course. He may have known and hurt for the suffering we'd endure, but we are here for a reason. I don't believe that every little thing is meant to be, we and everyone else has this free will, and far too much cruelty and suffering proves that's not possible.

I lost my dad at 25, far too young an age for me. He was my rock. I think I suck at being a grown up too. But we're doing our best. Even if it's ****. At pdoc meeting a few days ago I told her how ashamed I am about a recent fight with older son. He was really being a jerk and I lost my cool. I walked out my backyard in the middle of yelling he's a freaking A hole word - to see my neighbor gardening in adjacent backyard with her children. This woman is the president of school PTA !! (Have to laugh a little reflecting). But pdoc told me it's ok and that with my issues and kids issues and everything else going on, I'm doing my best. She said it a few times, you are doing your best always know that. And it's a hard pill to swallow cuz I know how inappropriate I behaved and being a perfectionist know I should not be acting that way. How am I supposed to accept that my **** behavior was my best? I'm better than that! But reflecting, I'm taking her words to heart, I don't have to be perfect, I'm human it's impossible to be perfect all the time. So oh well guess I just accept that in that moment that was my best way to deal with that horrible situation. And who cares what PTA Bword thinks. I wouldn't even want to be her, what a bore!

Moving on, can you take control of moms income? You are head of household. Can you hold a meeting of sorts like we are in a crisis, this is what needs to happen. I think your family would benefit from you controlling the cash and the budget.

And I am praying for you for a wonderful dream job to fall in your lap. You deserve it. In fact I'm visualizing it right now, like from the book The Secret that Anika and I would talk about. Thanking God, Goddess, Universe for the blessings as if they are already here.